Secret Diary of (future) Kylo Ren
by MadHatter084
Summary: Weird childhood of sassy half-emo Ben Solo, future knight of Ren. Including his completely crazy Parents, homeless Uncle, extrovert best friend Poe, worst enemy Hux, creepy school principal Snoke, his slightly younger crush Rey and more. Complete AU, childhood, bit Reylo, written as a journal, sometimes complete mess
1. Birthday, Diary and Nemesis

**So guys. It's pleasure to meet you (If anyone reads this). This is not my Fanfiction, but definitely my first on FFnet and first written not in Czech, but in English. I'm terribly sorry 'bout my grammar, I just really wanted to try this.**

 **And about the story. I just got this idea and had to write this. It's not like I don't like Kylo, but I just sometimes see him as our little emo nerd. I had to write this bad comedy story about him being young, having family like this, going to school, being very annoyed little Vader worshiper and stuff.**

 **It's big AU. If I continue this, there will be Rey and probably Poe included, but no Finn. Not like I don't like him, I just can't find a way he could be here. I'll see.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars or any of it's characters. Lucasfilm and Disney do.**

Dear Diary,

My parents just totally made me write you.

So long story short (or long story long). It was my 11th birthday. Everything started normally. I was unhappy as usual. Mom was our friggin family general-leader (as usual), jellying at dad and me to work harder at decorating. Dad was just normally lax, just grinning at her and working even slower. Which meant I had to do more, to make it at time, for my birthday party. Our last family member, Chewbacca just stood next to mom and roared stuff I did not understand. Like really, is that even language, or does everyone pretend they know what he says? No one actually explained me.

First one to come to party was Uncle Luke. Uncle Luke is ALWAYS first one to come. You wanna know why? Well because uncle is a broke half-homeless dude that lives in some ancient temple. Without electricity, heating or even bathroom. We may live on pretty green planet with mild climate, but it's still cold in the night, and during winter. This stupid temple is made of cold black stones and he lives in it, sleeps on the ground and eats some veganic bluffs.

Don't get me wrong, I DON'T CARE! Luke can live however he wants. However my beloved uncle always comes to our house, when he is cold, hungry or he wants to sleep in real bed, because his back hurts.

So great Luke Skywalker, last Jedi, saviour of Galaxies, came first to my 11th birthday to eat our food, lay on our couch and watch our TV. Mom made me bake extra portion of party snacks because she had saw Uncle put most of the last year's snacks in his bag (it was really big bag).

After like hour of my Uncle messing around, eating, watching TV and eating again he suddenly pulled me to him. I mean literally. One moment I was happily playing with my trading cards and in next I was flying through the air and hitting sofa. After I finally picked myself up from the ground, Uncle pulled me again and I was sitting next to him, watching _"Survivor: Alderaan"_ (SPOILER ALERT: everybody died).

"So Ben, what do you think 'bout the Force?"

"What do you mean uncle?" I said anxiously. Not that talk again.

"Do you… you know?"

"No Uncle Luke, I still don't feel _the screams of thousands of beautiful Jedi souls united calling me by name to join them on the magical Jedi tour filled with interesting mystical experiences and blind eyed sword fights_. I really don't."

You probably do realise, that I was just quoting him, right?!

"Sure." Uncle said disappointed and ignored me again. Typical.

Another hour later finally other people came. My nemesis was with them. That cocky bastard Hux. My bloody worst enemy. Worse thing is that our parents thinks we are friends.

He and his rich royal parents (some republic politicians or what) off course came as the last. I totally don't care about Hux's parents. Hell I don't know their names. Hell I don't even know Hux's name.

Whatever. So that awkwardly ginger bastard came to (involuntarily) congratulate me and give me gift. He had his weird noble clothes, that blockhead still wears his dumb black golf shirt (It's not like I wear that black sweatshirt and black t-shirt with Darth Vader all the time). We looked at each other for something that seemed like eternity, death glares everywhere. Then he was like:

"Hello Klutz Ren"

Yeah, that was Hux's vain effort to insult me by distorting my name (My name IS Ben NOT Ren). So I totally paid him back.

"Hello Ginger-bread."

Another moment of silence. And then there was my mom with:

"Oh my Force, you are so adorable! Look _*Hux's mother's name*_ they are such a good friends. They give each other nicknames."

And then they started with that talk I didn't want to be part of. Too bad I was one that was born exactly ten years ago.

Ten the gifts giving came. It was ok, almost. Little model of Millennium Falcon from dad (again), book of intergalactic politic from mom (again), fake lightsaber from Uncle (again), dead rat from Chews (that was actually surprise, an unpleasant one) and some useless stuff from others (again). Hux (and parents) were the last to give me a present. And guess what, the diary. Bloody pink diary that was literally called _"My sweet secrets: Diary of a little space princess"._ How could have Mr. and Mrs. Hux allowed this.

Unfortunately my parents haven't seen it from my point of view. They said it was "rude to call a lovely gift from your BEST FRIEND dumb crap".

So I got grounded and mom and dad ordered me to write you, diary. Or I'll be grounded again, and again, and again… till I die old and grounded. I thought it won't be half bad. Hey, I have my _"GalacticWars: Battle of Force"_ trading cards and TV. Then they came with worse punishment. I would be grounded, not in our cozy house, but in Uncle Luke's terrible old TEMPLE.

0:1 for Hux.

P.S.: I'm kinda starting to enjoy that. DAMN IT!

 **Tell me what you think. Again, sorry about grammar. I did my best.**


	2. Four things about my life

**Hi readers. You won't believe how excited I was when I found out I had TWO reviews. Thank you so much WeylandCorp 4 and Guest. My story is followed and favorited too. Oh gosh, thanks.**

 **This chapter is shorter and worse than the first one. I have many tests going on right now and I had no time to write on holidays. However I still wanted to write something, knowing that someone actually read this. Reviews are highly welcomed. Sorry about grammar again.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars or any of it's characters. Lucasfilm and Disney do.**

Dear Diary,

Before I continue, I shall tell you four things about my life. It may be little boring, but with all this craziness going on, you should know these to understand.

 **1\. My parents don't have much time.**

Not just for me, but generally. My mom is Princess/General/political-whatever. I'm not really sure what she does, but I KNOW I don't wanna do that, when I grow up. It involves many long calls, many huge books and gigantic piles of documents. And talking to people. Oh Force, how much I hate doing stuff like that.

My dad is a pilot/political-whatever. His job is much more interesting than mom's, but I still don't wanna do that. You ask why? Two words:

Poe _FRIGGIN_ Dameron

Three words, damn it!

 **2\. And that brings me to number two on my list. My so called best friend.**

Yeah, my parents think, that my bestie is Hux the Ginger-bread. Well, as I once said: "Hell no!"

Don't get too excited, it's not like I call Poe my BFF or anything. We are just hanging around with each other often. I don't do stuff like that with anyone else, I plainly don't have more friends. Logically, it makes him my best and only friend.

How did Poe and I met? Funny story (for me it's more of unfunny). I first met Poe when I was five years old. Close to our house, closer than this ridiculous temple uncle Luke lives in, is this village. They call it Rootwood (Maybe because it's in the middle of Gee-Bee forest). With my parents always working, I was mostly discovering outside world (Which I don't do that often anymore.). One day I went into Rootwood and met Poe. He was always wild wayward punk. This may be a reason why he was so unpopular with the adults.

Yeah, about our meeting. I was peacefully passing by and Poe just punched me in the face. No hi or anything, just punch in my bloody face. And it was hell of a punch. My five years old body felt to the ground. I would like to say I returned the punch, but it would be a lie. Instead I cried for like five minutes and Poe mocked me. When he turned around because some people were passing by, I used this opportunity and ran.

When I came back after few days, Poe was waiting for me. This time he haven't punched me. He just said that I was a disappointment of my famous family (He said it was reason, why he punched me earlier). I was so angered by that, I punched him in the face instead of him. And this way we became "friends".

Poe's parents were some pilots in Civil war. They had even less time than my parents. Actually, he saw them like once/twice a year. He lived with his granddad, who was some farmer. Poe's granddad, Grasswood, was the grumpiest person I ever met. He hated everything. From grass, flowers and Wookies to the Death Star, Droids and every single person he ever met. Most of all, Grasswood hated pilots. And Poe's dream was to become (quoting): "The best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy". Good luck with that pal.

 **3\. There are three thing Poe Dameron talks about most of time.**

 **A)** Becoming "The best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy"

 **B)** How to become "The best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy"?

 **C)** What would it be like to be "The best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy"?

Poe always talking about stuff like that just made me don't want to be pilot (like my dad). EVER! Poe would definitely kill me if I was better than him. Let's be honest, I would definitely be better. Saw my pedigree?

OK, maybe I'm too rash about Poe. Now, that we are a bit older, he has some more debate topics. Let's make some examples of our conversations in past few weeks.

 **D)**

 **Poe:** "Hey Ben."

 **Me:** "What?"

 **P:** "Do you think there is some school where they teach you how to become 'the best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy'?"

 **M:** "No."

 **P:** "Why?"

 **M:** "There can be only one 'best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy'. If there was school for that, then there would be more pilots like that, so there won't be only one 'best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy'."

 **P:** "That makes sense… somehow."

 **E)**

 **P:** "Hey Ben."

 **M:** "What?"

 **P:** "There is Trooper behind you."

 **M:** "OhMyDoddamnForceWhatTheHell!"

* turning around and screaming like crazy, there is nothing, off course*

 **P:** "I was kidding."

 **M:** "Terrible joke."

 **P:** "Your face was worth it!"

*absolutely dying of laughter*

 **F)**

 **P:** "Hey Ben."

 **M:** "What?"

 **P:** "Isn't that your crush behind you?"

 **M:** "I won't fall for that again Dameron!"

 **Awesome-girl-that-is-definitely-not-my-crush:** "Hey guys. What are you talking about?"

 **4\. Yeah… and then there she is.**

REY. Most gorgeous human being Force ever created. And my uncle's fist and for now only Padawan.

Welcome to my painful life, diary.

P.S.: Don't get too excited! Rey is NOT my crush!


	3. New school, here I come

**Hey pals. Thank you for your reviews xRoguexRavenx, Miss. Poppy May and Awenia.**

 **So I finally finished another chapter. Sorry about not updating more often, but I have my school leaving exams this year and I should study. Not a best time to start writing fanfictons, right? However it's nice to do something to lose some stream.**

 **This chapter is slightly longer, grammar is not better, but I think it's little better than the last one. These first chapters do not have much action in it, but I have to introduce how much I ruined these characters and universe, before I start screwing even more. Then the plot should get more of narrative (normal story like) and less episode and diary like.**

 **This story includes my first two OCs. They are not really important, just some minor characters to fill gaps. The Force Awekens Universe doesn't have this many young characters.**

 **Yeah and in my story Poe is straight. Nothing against this FinnPoe ship, but I totaly see Poe as heterosexual until I'm proven wrong.**

 **One last question: Do you want Finn in it? I wasn't planning to get him in this, but it would be nice to have whole this gang gathered. However it would make this story complete AU, because these days, he should be doing whatever troopers do, when they are young. Please tell me your opinion.**

 **Sorry about grammar again. Review, Favourite or Follow, I'm glad for any of this (but let's be honest. Reviewers rules** **)**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars or any of it's characters. Lucasfilm and Disney do.**

Dear Diary,

I hate "Liberated Angelau Republican Academy"!

Today I got to some new school, it has this ridiculous name I just mentioned. Students call it LARA to short it. It's on this planet nearby, Angelau. Dad took me there on Millennium Falcon, with Chews lovely assistance. I'm pretty sure that bloody Wookie is trying to kill me. Or at least he is seriously considering it. He stares at me in the weirdest way.

So dad kicked me out of Millennium Falcon, saying: "Good luck in new school, Ben. I have a job today so I can't pick you up by the way."

I was like: "What the hell dad!? How am I supposed to get home? It's not like I have my own spaceship and I can't just walk home through friggin space vacuum."

Dad actually came out of Falcon, just to pat me on the head and say: "Well son, I guess you'll have to find yourself a ride. Ask your friends."

"I don't have friends."

"Well too bad for you." dad laughed in that annoying way adults laugh to little kids. Like _"Oh you little silly kid. You just did something ridiculous. Hohohoho! How funny."_

He pated me on head again and then went back to Falcon. Last thing he said before he left me in that living nightmare called school, was: "And don't swear Ben! You know how much your mother hates it."

Hell I do dad. Hell I do. She fired our cleaner and made me clear our entire GIGATIC house, just because I said that Hux is blockheaded nitwit. For the bleeding hell! BLOCKHEADED NITWIT! It's not really vulgar at all.

Ok mom, what am I supposed to call my archenemy?

 _"_ _Hux, you silly little dummy. I don't like you. You smell and you are rude."_

Sure. Great idea mom. Very manly! I'm totally gonna do that.

Speaking of devil, he was there too, on that stupid school I just got transferred to. I was expelled of all schools on our little green planet and this private school for stuck up rich kids was nearest one. And how I got expelled, you ask? Poe, off course.

Thanks to my terrible best friend I got expelled from four schools in last year. What have he done this time? Well he decided to show everybody he really is future "best goddamn pilot in the Galaxy". However he does not have anything to fly on (ironical right) so he had to stole something to prove Shaw (one guy in our class) wrong, when he said he (Poe) is just big mouthed, sorry mum, idiot.

It's not about stealing, he did that many times and nobody got him, but it had to be principal's sport-ship. Our ex-principal was huge sport fan so he bought this cool sport-ship and Poe decided it was best possible ship to steal and race with.

Yeah and this ship was something similar to Falcon. You could not drive it alone. Poe needed someone to push some buttons. And he HAD TO choose me for this "extremely important position", as he said it. I was against it, not like gave me a choice. He basically dragged me in and tied me to the chair.

Poe is not bad driver. He maybe is a good one. MAYBE. He certainly is better than Shaw. However Poe's fatal mistake is that he is such a show-off. Especially when there is girl in it. Especially when this girl is Wilhelmine von Wendell. Poe is completely crazy when it comes to her. So we won the race, but ended up with spaceship-crush. PRINCIPAL's sport-ship and the tree, not a good combination. We almost died, Force damn it! And what did Poe friggin Dameron do, when we got out of this smoking wreckage? He ran right towards Wilhelmine von Wendell. He pretended to limb, smeared some power oil on his face and panted loudly. He basically fell on her stylish boots.

"Oh Wilhelmine, my lady… It hurts so much. _Help meeee…_ " he moaned. Sorry, he PRETENDED to moan. He pretended very very VERY poorly. Wilhelmine was not amused. I was thinking about laughing at him, because of how hopeless his acting skills were, or crying because of how much screwed I was.

We got expelled, unsurprisingly.

This way I got in the new school I never wanted to attend. With people I don't wanna see. And Poe. Which is actually not a good thing.

After my dad left me on the school grounds, Poe soon joined me. His granddad got him here on his old X-wing. He was glad he got two of them in there so asking about the ride home was not in place here. I pretended not to see them and quickly headed to the school entrance. I really haven't wanted to get expelled in my first day here. Trust me, just being near Poe Dameron makes you get expelled.

I almost did it. I almost got in the school building unnoticed. ALMOST. Then my nemesis showed up. With all his gingeress, black golf shirt with white pullover and two badges: "hall monitor" and "class president". Creep.

"Well, well, well… if that isn't history's biggest disappointment." He said with grin. I stayed cool, kinda.

"Oh, nice to see you again Mr. Wanna-be-successful-but-totally-loses."

See that mom? It's me trying to not be vulgar.

"How have you got in here? I thought we had entrance exams in here? Have your daddy bribed them or something? Because you are hardly smart enough to pass." Hux said with know-it-all grin.

"So how have you got accepted? Some charity for ugly redheaded shrimps? I didn't know they do that."

In fact: He was right. He was perfectly right. It's not like I'm stupid or something, but dad haven't wanted to risk my possible loss. So he paid examination commission. Then he spoke with mum and they decided to pay for Poe too. "We don't want you to get separated from your friend." Mom said.

Thanks again mom. Don't complain when I get expelled again, I would be more of your fault then mine.

Before Hux had chance to insult me, or (and I would love that) hysterically cry and run away, we heard loud yell.

"BEN! IS THAT YOU BUDDY?!"

Poe. I pretended not to hear him, but like second later he hit me on the back so hard it made me cough. Then he put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed me. Which may looked funny, because I'm like half a head taller than him, but it was also uncomfortable for many reasons. For example me hating physical contact with anyone and him, literally choking me.

"Hey Poe, what an unpleasant surprise."

"What?"

"I mean, it's nice to see you again… _buddy_."

Poe genuinely laughed and squeezed me even more. Another negative aspect of this situation: Hux's annoying grin.

"And who is this nerd?" Poe asked when he noticed Ginger-bread's faint existence. I couldn't help it but to sneer.

"You know, just some little kid that ran from home. Never seen him before."

"You two-"Hux began.

"Guys?" said the most melodic fresh beautiful (put more synonyms in here) voice I ever heard. There she was. Girl I DO NOT have crush on. Rey. In her loose trousers, old shoes and too big grey T-shirt with "Force was awaken" on it, she looked like Goddess. I was wordless. Unlike Poe.

"Rey! Hey!" he shouted at her. She ran toward us and hugged Poe. Then she hugged me. I'm not taking a bath ever again.

"What are you doing here? Don't tell me you got expelled again?!" She laughed with her hand around my shoulder. Absolutely different feeling than with Poe. And her laugh, like heaven bells jingling.

"We totally did! And what are YOU doing here?"

"I'm studying here, you goof!" More bells in here "And don't change the subject. What happened?"

I finally got over her existence and said:

"Wilhelmine von Wendell happened."

"No kiddin'! Again? Seriously Poe? Can't you get over that girl?"

"He apparently can't."

Real (not Rey) bell rang. It was so loud we heard it from outside. We had to hurry, but she still made me tell her all this Wilhelmine von Wendell history.

Hux disappeared somewhere. Rey probably scared him. Thank Force.

It's not the end of my first day. Trust me. It'll get worse. However, it's getting late (like 2:38 in the morning) and my mom just caught me not sleeping. I got one nice slap for saying "But mom, it was your brilliant idea to keep this bloody diary. It's your fault I have this sleep deprivation."

However I'm going to sleep now and I'll write about rest of this wonderfying (wonderful + horrifying = got dat joke?) day tomorrow.

P.S.: Spoiler alert: it includes Poe being eccentric as always, Hux being creepy grind, Rey being just awesome and my uncle Luke being my uncle Luke.


	4. Snoke the giant and Hux the librarian

**Firstly, I'm SO sorry it took so long. I have less time than last week, but I try to update every week and I'll continue doing that. Stupid prom, why is it so complicated.**

 **This chapter is short, again. And grammar… sorry about that.**

 **Thank you for reviews, you really made my day.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars (sadly), Lucasfilm and Disney do.**

Dear Diary,

I'm surrounded by freaks.

We ended up in principal's office, me and Poe. Not in that way we usually do that. We have been in this school for like half an hour, Poe did not have chance to do anything crazy, YET. It was just about these transferring stuff I don't care about.

We waited before these very old, very stylish and very, very big door, when I saw tiny label attached to it. It said: "Supreme principal Snoke".

"Seriously?" I said with bit of mockery in my voice.

"What going on?" Poe asked and moved behind me to look on the door over my shoulder (which was impossible, considering our height difference).

"It says 'supreme principal'. What kind of stuck-up jerk would let himself be called that? Our principal must be real piece of s-"

And then the door opened. I stopped, looking like fish on the land. Poe had to push me in the back to make me enter the office. It was freakin dark in there, only light in the room came from small window behind principal's desk. Therefore we couldn't see his face. He looked like giant. Doors closed behind us and I swear the Force I almost pissed my pants.

"Are you our new students?" the giant asked with his gigantic voice. I was not able to speak so I just nodded. Obviously, Poe did not have the same problem.

"Yea' we ar." he said with the weirdest accent he ever used. Like he WANTED to make this guy angry.

"I suppose, you are the one called Poe Dameron?" Giant asked again. If he was angry I could not say.

"Dat's rait!"

(That's right)

Then giant turned his attention to me:

"That would make you Ben Solo."

I was like: _Don't freak out Ben! This crazy giant is not going to eat you. Just because you insulted him he is not gonna do that. He did not hear you. Now say something ok and then you can run._

"As right as a rain."

Not a good answer Solo. Not a good answer. It does not even make sense.

Giant just stared (I guess, I did not see his face). Poe busted out laugher. Hux came in. And I was like: _What the HECK is Ginger-bread doing here?_

Yeah. In the second of my embarrassment, doors opened, huge ray (not Rey) of light entered the room and Hux with it. He managed to keep a pokerface.

"Excuse me Supreme principal sir, I brought these files and books you asked for." he said and waved a huge pile of papers and other paper-stuff.

"Yeah, sure." giant said with bit out-of-character voice, bored voice. When I got over my fear of this guy, he seemed likeable to me. He was not fond of Gingerbread.

"What do we have here." started Hux, probably hardly trying not to grin "Ben Solo's file form his school no. 1,2,3... and it goes on. Till numbeeeeer…. 13."

Gigant, sorry, Supreme principal Snoke, was probably mad. How do I know that? Well, room's temperature dropped like ten degrees. Hux either did not notice or purposely ignored it, because he threw my files on Supreme principal's table with loud "boom" and continued.

"And files of the Rey You-know-who."

Another bit smaller file on the desk.

"And files of Luke Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Solo and someone called Obi-wan."

Another boom.

"And there are the books you asked for."

He laid them down one by one.

" _Long live dark side_ by Emperor Palpatine."

" _Rise of the Imperium_ by Emperor Palpatine again."

" _My fight_ by Dart Vader."

"And my personal favorited, right from my bookshelf with personal notes: _How to become ruler of the Galaxy in few easy steps_." Hux ended with wide smile. SMILE not GRIN.

I was not sure if Hux was ironic or completely serious. In each case, he left very calmly when he got kicked out of the office by pretty angry giant. The superior principal haven't felt like talking to us, obviously. He just sent us to get to our class.

"Well… not creepy at all." Poe said when we got out.

"He may be Hux's grandfather. They seem so alike." I added.

Poe laughed and hit me in the shoulder in this "buddy" way I did not like.

"I like it when you're making jokes dude."

Then he choked me with his "buddy" choking way I already wrote about and dragged me in the direction of our classroom. He at least thought it was direction of our classroom, but in the end we spent good fifteen minutes wandering around to find it.

Sorry it takes me so long, diary, but I have to end now. I'll continue tomorrow, or my mom is going to kill me.


End file.
